softmonkey

ana bitner
7 Watchers104 Deviations
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yes, rebeca by softmonkey, literature

red is my favorite color by softmonkey, literature

we didn't fall out... by softmonkey, literature

twitch by softmonkey, literature

Sponge Ben by softmonkey, literature

ocean park by softmonkey, literature

dear boot camp by softmonkey, literature

IF by softmonkey, literature

The Insane Spark of High-Heele by softmonkey, literature

A BIG FUCK YOU by softmonkey, literature

See All

yes, rebeca by softmonkey, literature

red is my favorite color by softmonkey, literature

we didn't fall out... by softmonkey, literature

twitch by softmonkey, literature

Sponge Ben by softmonkey, literature

ocean park by softmonkey, literature

dear boot camp by softmonkey, literature

IF by softmonkey, literature

The Insane Spark of High-Heele by softmonkey, literature

A BIG FUCK YOU by softmonkey, literature

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My Bio
i went to costa rica for a year. i'm back. i was trying to save my life and it didn't work.

i was emotionally abused as a child and have never been able to connect normally with people. i have tried to get help for years and it hasn't come to much. i recently diagnosed myself with PTSD, which is very frequently misdiagnosed as they don't really understand it yet.

for all the abuse i've been through, at the hands of my parents, peers, strangers, and the callousness of the blind eyes turned, the worst thing done to me is that my parents didn't love me. i had no base to work from, very little to sustain me and allow me to recover from all the damage i took.
trying to stay alive. succeeding so far.

i am an atheist, and i do not apologize for looking down on people who still want to believe in myths when reason is abundant.

still trying to understand myself and this world, and hoping that i can find a viable relationship to it. hoping to find some help and kindness along the way, but for all i've been through, for all i've seen, i'm a bit spooked.

if you have read this far, then i'm either more fascinating than people let on, or you are desperately bored. nonetheless, you should let me know what you think, of anything, me, you, the world, my writing, in light of all i've divulged.
it is charming to see people who have been raised dysfunctionally, no, really to see any of them, try to piece these things together, to figure out how to move in the world and understand the nature of all of it and what it means. but the dysfunctional ones, a light dysfunction, still left relatively unscathed but abraded enough to notice how painful these things are (all manner of life, the people, the experiences). i watch them seeming to function (but perhaps i seem to as well, if you don't look closely) and wonder what i might have produced had i been less wounded. there is, i imagine, a perfect amount of damage, enough to let you become
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notes to myself

0 min read
mental and emotional health (there really is no distinction here, i threw that in for those who have a narrow view of what mental health is) is what needs the most attention, and even the most knowledgeable of us have a limited understanding of what it would look like or what would facilitate it.
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on emotion

0 min read
since feeling is first who pays any attention to the syntax of things will never wholly kiss you;  - e. e. cummings we swim in a primordial emotional stew, and most of us have been poisoned, and a few of us have been poisoned to a point where our functionality is severely impaired.
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Profile Comments 53

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Thanks for the watch!
Your writing is amazing. So deep and passionate! Surrounded with thoughts..it's wow. I know this is random, but would you consider joining our group?
Our group---> #Love-Forever-Create
It would be a honor to have your pieces displayed with us. Hope to see you there. Thanks!
i appreciate the compliment, but lately, nothing helps, i can't find the something, that thing that exists somewhere to make it better, or the strength to try to build a thing i don't understand and have no faith in. but i will try again, nonetheless. because i still want it, almost as much as i want the peace of nothingness. if i believed in it more, i would no doubt want it more, but the comfort of nothingness is unquestionable, in that it would be the cessation to the pain of existence, a pain some are fortunate to have little of, but there are such depths some have to survive, it is horrifying to think of those that i do not have the experience to comprehend, far from a comfort to know that i do not know it. it makes me realize the extent of the evil that perpetrates such a system where a handful have more things, things of a useless, vanity driven nature, then they could ever use, and even they have the pain of an empty internal existence, and the smugness of the self-proclaimed spiritually enlightened is no more elevated, except in that they miss a boat that they at least on some level realize exists. i know this sounds like the ravings of a lunatic, but no matter, anyone with any sense would see the species is insane for the most part. there are a few i regard as sane, but for the most part they are mad, only they don't know it. i know i am not sane. i could have been, but luck was not with me.
Thanks for joining :iconphilosophical-poetry:
I look forward to reading your work. :)

You can check out the F.A.Q. HERE and if you have any questions just let me know.
Thanks for the watch =D
Thank you for the watch =)
Thanks for the watch. I'll try and be a little more active...

Happy new year! :} I hope this finds you in good spirits.