i appreciate the compliment, but lately, nothing helps, i can't find the something, that thing that exists somewhere to make it better, or the strength to try to build a thing i don't understand and have no faith in. but i will try again, nonetheless. because i still want it, almost as much as i want the peace of nothingness. if i believed in it more, i would no doubt want it more, but the comfort of nothingness is unquestionable, in that it would be the cessation to the pain of existence, a pain some are fortunate to have little of, but there are such depths some have to survive, it is horrifying to think of those that i do not have the experience to comprehend, far from a comfort to know that i do not know it. it makes me realize the extent of the evil that perpetrates such a system where a handful have more things, things of a useless, vanity driven nature, then they could ever use, and even they have the pain of an empty internal existence, and the smugness of the self-proclaimed spiritually enlightened is no more elevated, except in that they miss a boat that they at least on some level realize exists. i know this sounds like the ravings of a lunatic, but no matter, anyone with any sense would see the species is insane for the most part. there are a few i regard as sane, but for the most part they are mad, only they don't know it. i know i am not sane. i could have been, but luck was not with me.